Is someone you know in danger?

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 111.

If you’re not sure what to do, you can call us on 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)

We’ll listen, offer advice, and help you work out a safe next step.

Why your support matters

When someone is living with violence, the people around them often play a crucial role in keeping them safe.
Friends, colleagues, whānau, they’re often the first to notice when something’s wrong.


But it’s not always easy to know what to do, and sometimes fear of saying the wrong thing stops people from saying anything at all.

We understand that.

Supporting someone through family harm can feel uncomfortable, tiring, even heartbreaking at times.
But your steady presence can make all the difference.

How to help

Stay connected

Keep checking in.

Isolation is one of the strongest tools abusers use to maintain control.

Listen first.

Let them talk. Try not to rush in with solutions or judgement.

Avoid criticism

Leaving a violent relationship can take time. They might go back, or change their mind. Keep the door open.

Offer small, practical help

Meals, transport, childcare — simple things can lift heavy burdens.

Encourage them to reach out.

You can share our number or help them contact us safely when they’re ready.

What not to do

Don’t tell them what they should do.

Don’t confront the person using violence — it can make things worse.

Don’t give up after one conversation.

Common Questions

What if I’m wrong?

 That’s okay. Ask gentle, open questions like “Are you okay?” or “You don’t seem yourself lately.”

What if they don’t want help?

 Keep showing up. Sometimes people need time to trust that help is safe.

Can I call Refuge even if I’m not the one in danger?

 Absolutely. We regularly support people who are worried about a friend, colleague, or whānau member.

A Reminder

Family violence affects one in three women in Aotearoa.
There are people in your life, perhaps closer than you think, who might be struggling in silence.
Your willingness to reach out could be the lifeline they need.

Resources

You can download or share these guides with anyone who might need them.

If you’re unsure what to say or how to help, send us a message. We can talk it through with you.

Women's Refuge Waitomo Waipā is an affiliated member of the Women’s Refuge National Collective, working alongside refuges across Aotearoa to support women and whānau experiencing family violence.